Thursday, January 28, 2010


I want to...

create something so beautiful it takes my breath away. My sister did this. So did my best friend.
As I watch them with their husbands I have an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for their happiness. And I want it too. Not now. Maybe not even soon. But the love they have for each other is absolutely infectious. For how much I love them and value thier worth to me, their husbands amplify that by millions.
They take each other for everything. The weirdness, the beauty and everything else.

It's magical.

and this young love turns into something enchanting, old love.

I see this in my parents.
I said a prayer today only about them. I'm full of thanks for the magic they create in my home as they continue to love each other. It's the thing I think I'm most grateful for in my life.

Some day, I'm going to make magic.

And now as I write this, I'm realizing how incredibly love sick I am. But this time it's different from all the many other love sick phases I have gone through. I don't just want (someday) someone to tell me how much they love me. I want the something more that has been showed to me lately.
The things that actually mean love. Like knowing silly things about how they like their toast, or when they need a joke rather than a hug. When it's time to be distracted from homework. Giving appreciative side glances and finding the good in the mistakes made.

This is just a bit of silliness in my head, but it means so much to me that these wonderful people would share what they have worked for and created with the world. I've never understood couples who don't feel the need to show the love they have for each other everywhere they go. How do they suppress something so wonderful. It should be bursting out of them, all of the time. At least I know I'm going to let it burst. So when it's the real thing, everyone who knows me will know it.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Mission Statement: a statement about a mission




four month



I can turn in mission papers...

So now the question is, will I?

*please, Mr. Answer, manifest yourself soon.


Somedays, when things are tough, I wish for a wise old man to stop me and give me some grand piece of advice. Like they do in my imagination, and the books I read.

The other day. I wished so hard for this. I felt like it was all I needed to get me through.
I drew it all up in my head. I would be walking along, reading my book. He would stop me and say, "you seem to be a special person in a tough spot." and I would reply "who me? How did you know?" "It's just something that comes with the job of being old, and wise. Now go ahead and tell me about it."

I would. I would tell him everything.
Then he would give me the most brilliant piece of advice, that at first I would brush off as meaningless. Until I thought about it again and realize exactly what he meant and what I would need to do. Then I would fix everything with his advice.
That's how it would happen.

I was waiting all day for him.

just as I was walking to my car from school he came...strolling towards me.

and it didn't happen just as I planned

but it did happen perfectly.

He said nothing to me.
Just as he was passing me he held my gaze and smiled.
And that's all I needed.
Thank you old wise man.

You've done your duty in your own wise way.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Caught in the middle of something good

This is to you my blog,

Right now life is weird. But then again isn't it always. No matter what normal doesn't happen...ever. So why is it even a word.

This really isn't much too read or even worth time of anyone but me. But sometimes I just gotta write things down to try to make sense of myself. Organize the noggin a bit ya know?

I've found a new philosophy about life lately.

When you want one thing, that's when another is thrown at you. And I do mean to use the word thrown, because it perfectly describes what happens. Not delicately tossed, not nicely placed in your lap, thrown.

Lately I can't
*speak clear sentences
*form a though intelligent enough to say in class
*eat normally
*grasp the concept of time
*flirt with boys
*control my emotions
*keep my phone charged
*peal an orange like I like
*realize when I need to go to the bathroom (what?)


This is how I describe myself right now. Someone grabbed the pieces of my life and threw them up in the air and I have to retrieve them...? Because apart from school, which I'm still trying to not be intimidated by, I don't know anything else about my life.

But I guess that's why I say Caught in the middle of something good. Because I have this sense of something more lately. Like altough this is weird and rough and whatever, that I'm gonna learn something great from it.


When I get more me again...I'll let you know.

But until then blog, please try to put up with my un-me-ness.